


I thought

by Lastsyns



Series: Life with the Doctor [3]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, Depression, M/M, Married Couple, Regret, Suicide, Wakes & Funerals, ignorance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 05:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lastsyns/pseuds/Lastsyns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and the Doctor are married in what Jack thinks is a happily relationship, but after the Doctor takes his own life, Jack steps back and realizes things aren't always what they seem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The day had started just like any other day. Jack awoke to their daughter bouncing on the bed happily. She was an early riser and took great joy in coming into the room and waking up her daddies for breakfast and play time. The Doctor laughed with her as he tickled her stomach. Jack watched them play for awhile before heading to the shower to get ready for work.

After his shower, he shaved, dressed and headed to the kitchen where the Doctor was making breakfast and the little one was helping him, by setting the table. She had all ready placed three plates and napkins and was carefully adding the forks. Jack ate quickly before rushing out the door, calling his goodbyes out as he left.

Work always seemed the same recently. They were constantly dealing with artifacts coming through the rift and weevils on the move. The paper work had piled up again and he tried his best to get it down as the day wore on. Ianto had brought him in a cup of coffee before heading home and looking at his clock, Jack realized that his own day should have ended hours ago.

The drive home through the traffic was long and when he got home all he wanted to do was take off his shoes, kick back and relax. The Doctor had all ready eaten and was snuggling with their daughter, telling her a story as her eyes drifted closed. Jack sighed and headed to the kitchen to get left overs and poured himself a glass of whiskey. He went back into the living area and sat down on the couch, picking up the paper and reading it as he ate.

"I am going to put her to bed and then take a shower," he heard the Doctor say.

"Fine," he responded as he read yet another story that Torchwood was ruining Cardiff. He was going to have to put a stop to it soon. He finished his supper and placed the plate in the sink to be cleaned later. He drank the last of the whiskey and made sure the door was locked before heading up the stairs. The Doctor was all ready in bed when he went into their room and he took off his clothes and climbed in bed beside him.

The Doctor lay beside him and he turned the Doctor over onto his stomach and lay on top of him. He took the Doctor quickly as the Doctor moaned beneath him. He spilled himself deep inside him before rolling off and laying on his back, his eyes starting to drift close. He heard the Doctor move beside him and was almost asleep when the Doctor spoke.

"I love you Jack," the Doctor whispered so silently that Jack almost missed it as his eyes closed. He woke up hours late to a strange rasping noise beside him. He turned on the light to see the Doctor laying beside him. His face was a bright red and he was gasping for breath. As Jack jumped out of bed, he saw the pill bottle laying open next to the Doctor. Panicking he pulled out his phone and called Martha.

"He's overdosed on something and he's having some sort of allergic reaction." Jack told her over the phone.

"What does the bottle say?" Martha asked as calmly as she could. Jack grabbed the bottle and read it. Jack's heart raced when he saw the word Asprin.

"Asprin," Jack stuttered.

"Make sure he is flat and raise his feet up to help him from going into shock. Then I need you to get to the TARDIS. He has an emergency medication on hand that he needs to take now. I will be there as soon as possible." Martha told Jack.

"Please don't die sweetheart," Jack said as he raced down the stairs and into the TARDIS. He found the medication and ran back up the stairs. He pulled the top off the syringe and injected it into the Doctor. The Doctor groaned and passed out, his breathing still rough. Jack didn't dare try to move him as he took the Doctor's hand and held it. Leaning over, he kissed him softly on the cheek and then realized that he couldn't remember the last time he had done so.

It seemed like an eternity passed before he heard the front door slam shut and then Martha come into the room a minute later. She had her medical bag with her and placed an oxygen mask over the Doctor's mouth and nose as she began to work on him.

"What happened?" She asked Jack as she rushed to save the Doctor. Jack was asking himself the same thing as he moved to sit on the floor and twirled his wedding ring around his finger. Martha glanced over at him briefly and so he said the one thing that came to mind.

"I thought we were happy."


	2. Chapter 2

As the Doctor lay there unconscious with Martha fighting for his life he didn't hear Jack. If he had, he would have been confused. The Doctor hadn't been happy for awhile and fallen deeper and deeper into a depression that he had no hope of overcoming by himself. Yet the one person he needed to pull him out, was living their own life even as they lay right beside him in the bed at night.

That morning he lay awake staring at his husband and once lover. It had been a week since the last time Jack had kissed him and he couldn't remember the last time Jack had said the words that he loved him. The bed bounced at his beautiful daughter jumped on it, and he wrapped her in his arms, tickling her stomach, listening to her laugh. He hadn't wanted more children after the Time War took his family but this little one had stolen his heart. He knew that he couldn't live without her but hoped that she would be able to live without him. Jack stood and headed to the shower without saying a word and the Doctor watched him go. Standing up he took the little one in his arms and cuddled her as he headed down to make breakfast one last time.

"Can I help daddy?" Imogen asked happily as she watched her father cook.

"You can set the table, Little One," he responded as he pulled the plates down for her. He watched proudly as she placed them on the table and added the napkins and forks by herself. Jack came down and sat at the table. He had a report in his hand and didn't look up as the Doctor sat a cup of coffee and a stack of pancakes down in front of him. Jack ate quickly and then rushed out the door.

"Goodbye, I'll be home late," Jack called out as the door closed. The Doctor turned to Imogen and she smiled at him as syrup dripped down her chin.

"What would you like to do today, Little one?" He asked softly.

"I want to go to the park?" She answered and he nodded. They finished breakfast and she helped him to wash the dishes before heading out. The day was nice and so they walked. He let her play and chased her around until she was tired. He then took her and got her an ice cream and chips for lunch.

"Are you sad daddy?" She asked as she licked the ice cream?

"No, Imogen," he responded and hugged her close to him. "Daddy's just thinking." After their lunch he carried her to the store where he bought her a new coat and bought himself a small vial of Asprin. Jack refused to keep it in the house, since he was deathly allergic. He paid for them and took her home.

His afternoon was routine, with her napping while he cleaned but unlike normal afternoons, he placed the TARDIS into standby mode. Jack was able to drive her for short trips and one day she would belong to Imogen but for now, he figure the office would become her home. He ran a hand lovingly over her console. "I'm sorry." He whispered as he closed the doors behind him.

He took the vial out of his coat and placed it in the drawer beside his bed. He didn't know when Jack was coming home and he couldn't let Imogen be the one to find him. No, he would wait until tonight. He woke up his daughter and they spent the afternoon playing and then had supper together. He gave her a bath and then pulled her into his lap.

"Book time?" She asked as she cuddled close.

"No, tonight Daddy is just going to tell you a story." He whispered as he laid his head down on hers. He began to speak and didn't think about the words as we weaved together a story about a daddy who had to go away for a very long time. It made the little girl sad but she was safe with her papa and the daddy watched her from a far even though he couldn't be near her any longer. Jack came home as he was telling the story and Jack looked more annoyed then anything else.

He watched Jack storm to the kitchen and comeback with the plate of food, that the Doctor had left out for him. He sat down on the couch and picked up the newspaper, reading it and ignoring the Doctor, as the Doctor watched him. Every fiber of his being cried out for Jack to notice him, even for just a moment as he whispered promises to Imogen that she would never be alone. She fell asleep and he held her as Jack drank the whiskey.

"I am going to put her to bed and then take a shower," he told Jack as he stood up and headed up the stairs of their small house.

"Fine," Jack huffed and turned the page in the newspaper. He took Imogen up to her room and laid her on the small bed that had replaced her crib. He tucked her blankets around her and kissed her softly on the head.

"Never forget that daddy loves you little one." He whispered as he kissed her again and headed to the shower. He showered and got dressed for bed, climbing in it he lay and waited for Jack to come to bed.

When Jack did though, he climbed in the bed and the Doctor could tell he was slightly drunk from the whiskey. Jack pushed him over onto his stomach and he moaned in pain as Jack took him roughly, paying no attention to the pain that he was causing him, just searching for his own release. It was a relief when Jack rolled over and he rolled over on to his side and pulled his legs up to his chest as he reached into the bedside cabinet and pulled out the small vial of asprin.

"I love you Jack," He whispered as he heard Jack's breathing change. He opened and closed the vial for a while before finally placing one of the tablets in his mouth. His initial reaction was to try to spit it out, instead though, he forced himself to swallow it. Over and over he swallowed the pills until he felt his throat closing up and his body felt as though it were on fire.

The light switched on and Jack's panicked face met his. He watched Jack pull out his cell phone but he didn't pay attention to the words being said as Jack spoke frantically. The bottle was picked up and then Jack ran out of the room. A moment later he returned and the Doctor felt the sharp prick of the needle being stabbed into his leg. He rasped several more breaths. "I'm sorry," he thought as his eyes drifted closed.


	3. Chapter 3

"Jack we need to get him to the TARDIS and pump his stomach now before any more of the asprin is absorbed." Martha said as she turned to look at Jack. Jack sat on the floor still, in shock twirling the ring around his finger. "Now Jack," Martha snapped though her eyes were filled with concern, and he quickly stood up. He nodded at her, not daring to trust his voice and moved next to the bed.

It seemed as though his world was moving in slow motion, as he picked up the limp body of his husband and carried him down the stairs to the TARDIS. The Doctor was barely breathing and his body felt even colder then normal. Martha left the TARDIS doors open as she ran in ahead of him to prepare and it unnerved him even more to see the lights of the TARDIS dimmed. The lights were only ever dimmed when she was on standby power and that meant the Doctor had prepared for this.

"Why sweetheart?" Jack asked as he moved through to the medi bay and placed the Doctor on one of the beds.

"Jack, I am sorry and it is a horrible thing to ask of you but I wouldn't ask it if it wasn't necessary," Martha rambled as she quickly but efficiently inserted the needle for an IV in the Doctor's hand and started the saline drip.

"What do you need," Jack whispered.

"I need you to help me hold him on his left side, why I pump his stomach. I am then going to give him an activated charcoal to make sure no more of the asprin is absorbed. His body can't take much more and I have all ready given him another dose of the emergency intervention." Jack rolled the Doctor gently over and supported him while Martha grabbed two different tubes before standing near the Doctor's head and setting to work. Jack watched as she forced the first tube into the Doctor's mouth to protect his airway before sliding in the second.

Jack couldn't watch any longer and tears filled his eyes as he closed them and tried to figure out where they went wrong.

-DW-

Six years ago the two of them had stood together at the alter and the Doctor had taken his hand in marriage. They had been so in love back then and even though they had all ready been together for three years at that point, he still couldn't believe the Doctor was really marrying him. For the Doctor it was different though, his love for Jack had grown over the years, after meeting the conman who would save his life in every way possible. He didn't need the rings to know that he was going to spend the rest of his life with Jack, but Jack had insisted on a wedding and so he finally agreed.

They had a simple service in front of their friends before the two took off into the stars. They spent the first year running and seeing new planets. They spent many sunsets on strange planets and sat beneath many skies. They were happy.

Then the Doctor became sick. He was getting worse and so Jack took him back to Earth. It was then that they discovered that the Doctor wasn't sick but was in fact pregnant. The Doctor was shocked at first but Jack bought them a small home and they quickly settled into the domesticated life.

The day that Imogen was born was both a happy and devastating day for the Doctor. It was a sad occasion because his body had not responded properly to the pregnancy and it was discovered that Imogen had caused him damage and he wouldn't be able to get pregnant again during this generation. His plans for a large family were ruined but instead of dwell on it he quickly made Imogen the center of his life and loved her with all of both of his hearts.

He couldn't picture his life without his daughter in it and he stopped traveling as much as he made sure that she was safe. Jack took to working more and it was then that they slowly drifted apart. Kissing that once came on a whim, now was routine as Jack left in the morning, or as they settled into bed. Romantic gestures were lost and sex between them was now a rare thing. Still he loved Jack and wanted his family so he held on during the hard times.

Yet they continued. He found it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning and take care of the home. He use to leave the house every day with Imogen but now there were times when he wouldn't leave the house for days and instead the two of them would stay curled up in his bed as he told her stories. He knew he was getting depressed but depression was something he had dealt with all his life. From a young age he was taught that his depression was a weakness and instead of learning how to deal with his depression, he instead learned how to hide it. So on days where he felt a little better, he would pull himself out of bed and continue on as though everything was normal. He had pulled through it before and he was sure he could again.

-DW-

Jack felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to look at it. Martha was standing beside him now and he realized that he hadn't seen her move from in front of the Doctor. He looked down to see that the tubes had been removed.

"You can lay him on his back now. I am done pumping his stomach and I have given him the charcoal." Martha advised as she helped Jack roll the Doctor back over.

"How bad is he?" Jack asked weakly.

"Honestly Asprin was the worse thing he could have taken. The next twenty four hours are going to be critical and I will monitor him closely for any signs of kidney failure." Martha began.

"If he gets too bad, won't he regenerate?" Jack asked.

"No, not with asprin. Asprin inhibits his ability to regenerate. If he dies it will be a permanent death, unless I can bring him back. I swear to you, that I will bring him back until I can't anymore, but right now, I think you should prepare for the worse." Martha didn't want to give Jack any false hope. The Doctor was in bad shape and she didn't have much hope of him pulling through.

"What do I tell Imogen? Her and the Doctor are so close. How could he do this to our daughter?" Jack wondered as Martha continued to work to make sure that the Doctor was stable and remained that way.

"I don't know Jack." Martha said silently.

Jack watched on as Martha placed an oxygen mask over the Doctor's mouth and nose and turned the oxygen level up. His breathing was still coming in short gasp and he wasn't getting an effective amount of oxygen into his lungs on his own. The mask Martha placed assisted him with his breathing and forced him to take a deeper breath by pushing the air into his lungs. It would be unpleasant once he woke up but for now she felt it was necessary.

She removed his shirt and placed electrodes along his chest in a pattern to account for both of his hearts. His left heart was beating more efficiently then his right and she silently moved the crash cart, closer to the bed. She had seen the pattern enough times working at a hospital to know that he was heading for heart failure. She quickly drew up two different syringes, one with adrenaline and pushed them into the canola. She clipped the blood oxygen reader to his finger and then swore slightly when she saw that he was only in the upper 80s. She turned up the level of the oxygen higher.

Looking at the readings of his heart she was satisfied that he wouldn't crash in the immediate future. She had time to finish prepping him. She wished silently that she could bring him to a hospital, but that wasn't a possibility. She tried her best to hide her distress over being forced to save the Doctor's life on her own. There was a reason that doctors were not suppose to work on friends and family and she considered herself both to the Doctor.

"What are you doing?" Jack finally spoke up as she removed the Doctor's trousers.

"I am going to insert a catheter, so I can measure his urine out put and also be able to test it for proteins that indicate that he is going in to renal failure." Martha advised him. She grabbed the tube and Jack winced slightly on the Doctor's behalf as she inserted it into his bladder. The urine that came out was very dark and Martha turned up the drip to try to flush out his system.

"What happened today?" Martha asked as she started at the Doctor's head and worked her way down his body, looking for any puncture marks or anything else she might have missed.

"I don't know."

"Well what did he do? Was there anything unusual that happened that would cause him to try to take his life?" Martha glanced up at Jack and saw that he was pale still. He fell back hard into one of the chairs and Martha rushed away from the bed for a moment to grab him a glass of water before returning to the Doctor's side.

"I don't know," Jack whispered again as he shook. He thought about it and realized that he didn't know anything that was happening to the Doctor recently. He had been caught up in his own work with Torchwood that he had failed to see that his husband was hurting so badly that he was contemplating taking his own life. Had the warning signs been there and he had just missed them?

He tried to remember the last conversation that he had with the Doctor. It came back to him in a rush. The two of them were standing in the kitchen while the Doctor finished up the dishes and Jack was watching Imogen play in the back yard as the sunset.

"She is going to need a new coat for winter, her coat from last year is getting too small." The Doctor had said.

"Winter is months away Doctor, we can worry about a new coat when the time comes." He had responded.

"I'll take care of it soon don't worry." The Doctor had told him. He had nodded as he turned and headed out of the kitchen and to his office where he worked long into the night.

On shaky legs, Jack stood and left the medi-bay, heading out into his home. The house was still dark and a quick glance at the clock revealed that he had several hours still before Imogen would wake up. He walked over to the hall closet and opened. Inside he saw the new coat the Doctor had bought Imogen as well as a new pair of converse as well as snow boots. A bag was sitting to the side and Jack opened it to see that it was full of school supplies as well as enrollment information for her to start in the fall.

He replaced the bag and headed up the stairs to Imogens room. Turning on the hall light, he opened the door a crack. Imogen was sleeping soundly with her teddy on the floor and the blankets skewed. Jack walked over to the bed and picked the bear up off of the floor and set it in the upper corner by her head, before tenderly fixing the blankets around her. She grumbled slightly and his eyes filled with tears at how much it reminded him of her father. The Doctor didn't sleep that much at night, but when he did, he always was unhappy to be disturbed.

Jack brushed one of her long brown curls off of her face and then kissed her softly on the cheek before turning away to her closet. Opening it, he stared for awhile at all the new clothes. Every shirt was too big for her now, but should fit her come winter. There was even an assortment of school uniforms for her as well as a green velvet dress.

It was the dress that hit him the hardest. Every year for Christmas, the Doctor had purchased a green velvet dress for Imogen to wear. The dress hanging in the closet meant that the Doctor knew he wouldn't be around for Christmas this year and had wanted her to still have her dress one last time.

How long had the Doctor been planning his suicide, Jack wondered. As he exited the room and headed back to the TARDIS. It had to have been for awhile and even through his pain, he had wanted to make sure that Imogen was taken care of. The conversation about the coat hadn't been the first one, Jack realized. The Doctor had also talked to him about school and making sure she had new shoes.

Jack froze in the medi-bay door as the shrill sound of the heart monitor hit him. The Doctor's hearts had stopped and at that moment he was sure that his own had as well.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack watched Martha moving round the bed as though it was just a bad dream or a show on the telly. It was easier to imagine that it was happening to someone else, then he wouldn't have watch his husband laying in the bed having two needles full of adrenaline shoved simultaneously into his hearts. He didn't have to imagine what he would say to his beautiful four year old daughter when she awoke in the morning to find her daddy gone. He had always known though that the Doctor would die one day, it just wasn't suppose to be today, not yet.

Martha swore colorfully, and Jack was slightly surprised by the words coming out of her mouth. She picked up the defibrillator and placed one paddle on the opposite side of each heart. She said a small prayer to whatever was out there as the paddles charged and then shocked him. The lines on the screen jumped up once and then fell again. She charged them higher and then tried again. The shrill squeal disappeared as a faint line blipped on to one screen followed by another on the second. The first line picked up speed while the second continued to struggle.

She adjusted the oxygen mask and checked to make sure the Doctor was breathing cleanly again. His breathing was still being helped along as he continued to take small gasp on his own. She made sure that the electrodes monitoring his hearts were still in a good position. Satisfied he was stable for another moment, she turned to the screen.

"His right heart is going to stop again," Martha said as she watched the lines. "His left heart though has picked up a good rhythm. I hate to say it Jack but you need to tell him goodbye."

"I can't," Jack whispered.

"This may be your last chance Jack. His hearts have stopped once now, and his kidneys are all ready beginning to fail. Unless he turns around soon, I don't think he is going to last the night." Martha told Jack softly as she moved across the room and took his hand. She gently coaxed him over to the bed. "Just talk to him Jack, I will give you some privacy but I will be on the other side of the room if I am needed."

Jack watched as Martha turned off the sound on the right heart monitor and then moved to the other side of the room. She turned on another screen, where she could continue to monitor the Doctor as she ran test on blood that she had took, while Jack was out of the room. Jack took the Doctor's hand in his and held on to the limp fingers.

"I don't know where we went wrong. We use to be so in love and have fun together, now I think back and wonder when I stopped noticing. I still remember our trip together after Donna left. I never thought at that time we would end up married..."

-DW-

"Jack." The Doctor had rolled his name in annoyance as he bounced on his heels excitedly. "Come on we're going to be late." he whined.

"Only you could be excited for a banana festival," Jack laughed as he came out of the back of the TARDIS. He had been in bed when the Doctor had stopped off at the hub, unannounced as always. He had barely time to throw on a pair of trousers as the Doctor waited for him to come on board. He had thought the world was in danger again as he had ran on but all the Doctor wanted was company for the festival. Luckily he still had a room and clothes aboard the TARDIS and had gone to change as the Doctor piloted.

"It's not just a banana festival, it is the biggest banana festival the universe." The Doctor huffed as he explained. "There are bananas from every corner of the universe. They even have red bananas which don't taste as nice but have a firmer texture. Also there is banana cake, pie, ice cream, tarts, shampoo, lotion, soap..."

"Condoms," Jack interrupted trying to embarrass him and was surprised when the Doctor nodded.

"Jellies, candy, crisp." The Doctor continued his list as he grabbed Jack by the hand and dragged him out the TARDIS door.

-DW-

"You made yourself so sick on banana's that I ended up having to take care of you for three days afterwards. I nursed you back to health and I never thought you would want to see a banana again. I was wrong though as soon as you were healthy again, I found you eating a banana for breakfast." Jack smiled and then caressed the Doctor's head.

"I was surprised when after you dropped me off, you returned a week later. I must have changed your mind about me during those three days because that is when we went on our first date. It still didn't occur to me at that time that three years later we would be married and two years after that we would welcome our daughter. My life never seemed complete until that moment and now you are laying here, so sick, and I can't remember the last time I told you that I love you." Jack felt a tear slide down his cheek, followed quickly by a second.

He glanced at the monitor as the movement caught his eye and saw that the Doctor's right heart had stopped again. He looked away from it and towards Martha.

"How long can he last with only one heart?" He asked softly.

"I'm not sure. He needs both of them and I know it is painful for him to only have one going, while he is awake. He can live for a short time with only one heart beating but it is putting additional strain on his left heart, which is all ready in distress." Martha said coming back over. "If I thought I could safely restart it now, I would but I am worried about stopping his left heart in the process."


	5. Chapter 5

Jack held the Doctor's hand as his left heart began to stutter again only a few minutes later. Jack lifted the Doctor's hand to his lips and pressed a kiss on his cold fingers. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I saw you everyday but I never noticed you. You cried out to me so many times, I can see that now and I am sorry I ignored them. I should have been a better husband to you and a better father to Imogen." Jack released the Doctor's hand as the line on the screen went flat again and Martha moved into try to restart his hearts again. She worked on him longer then she normally would, not willing to call it, not yet. In the end though her attempts were in vain and she set the paddles down and stepped back. 

"Time of death, 2:34 am," She said solemnly as she removed her gloves. Tears filled her eyes as she turned off the shrill beep of the heart monitor and removed the oxygen mask from his face. Even though he couldn't feel it anymore, she removed the IV from his arm. He had always hated them in life and now it seemed wrong to leave it in. 

"He can't be, Martha you have to bring him back," Jack hissed at her angrily.

"I'm sorry Jack, he is gone. His systems were too damaged from the asprin." Martha explained keeping her voice monotone, fearing she would lose it. She just had to be strong for a few more minutes, she kept telling herself. 

"Please save him," Jack begged her again.

"I can't," Martha turned her head away from Jack, unable to look at him anymore.

Jack felt numb as he walked over to the bed and leaned over the Doctor and placed his head on his chest. He then wrapped his arms tightly around the Time Lord. "I love you," He whispered over and over again as he held the limp body against him, tears streaming down her face. 

Martha left him in his grief as she went out into the hallway and collapsed against the corridor wall, allowing her own grief to overcome her. She had failed him. The last of the Time Lords was dead. 

-DW-

Jack lost track of time as he held the Doctor to him. If somehow he could keep him warm, maybe there was a chance he come back. He just had to wait for him to regenerate, but as one then two hours passed, he slowly realized that it wasn't going to happen. In a way he could always feel the Doctor and if he concentrated that connection was gone. The Doctor's body may still be in front of him, but everything he loved about the Doctor had faded with the pills. If he was honest with himself, it was gone even before the first pill had been placed in the Doctor's mouth. 

Shaking, he made his way out of the TARDIS, not paying attention to the fact Martha was sitting in the corridors still or that Mickey had joined her. He made his way up the stairs of the small house and opened the door to the bedroom. His heart broke all over again as he saw Imogen curled up in the middle of the bed, using the Doctor's coat as a blanket. She looked up at him as he entered the room and he saw that her face was wet with fresh tears. 

"Is Daddy gone?" She asked Jack softly and Jack nodded. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her into his lap as she sobbed against him. 

"Papa is here Imogen, and he is never going to leave you," Jack whispered as he held her tightly and rocked her. He reached behind him and grabbed the Doctor's coat, wrapping it around the both of them as he held her.


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of the day was a blur to Jack. He stayed curled up on the bed most of the day, just holding Imogen next to him. The door would squeak or he would hear a noise and he would look up expectantly for the Doctor to come in the room. It was then that he would remember that the Doctor was never going to enter the room again and he would break down into fresh tears. Martha came up into the room at one point and tried to coax him into eating something, but he couldn't stomach it through his grief. 

"Do you want me to call your friends and let them know what happened?" Martha asked him as she sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his back.

"Please." Jack answered her softly.

"I know you don't want to think about it yet Jack, but we need to take care of his body as well. I thought we could hold a small service and have him buried." Martha advised.

"No, he wanted to be burned. It was the tradition of his people." Jack told her. He had made that promise to the Time Lord long ago and he had broke so many of them lately that it was the last one he could keep. 

"I will tell them." Martha promised as she headed out to make the hard calls for Jack. She felt guilty that she was unable to save the Time Lord and it was the least she could do for his family. 

-DW-

The next morning Jack awoke early and the tears came freely again as he saw the Doctor's side of the bed. Imogen was curled up in it, she had cried herself to sleep the night before and Jack felt helpless. She was usually the first one up and now she was still asleep and Jack was reluctant to wake her. He hoped that she was having peaceful dreams of her and the Doctor, happy together. He pulled himself out of bed and headed to the shower.

Standing under the hot water, he let it burn down his back, enduring the pain that it was causing. It was better then feeling the pain in his heart and the numbness since the Doctor had passed. Getting out he dried off and pulled on a pair of trousers before heading to the closet that him and the Doctor had shared. He looked through it and selected the Doctor's brown pinstripe suit out of the closet and his red pair of converse sneakers. 

He checked on Imogen again before heading down the stairs and onto the TARDIS. The TARDIS was humming sadly and Jack stroked her console for a moment as he headed through to the medi-bay. He paused in the doorway and stared at the bed that the Doctor was laying on. Martha had cleaned him up and covered him with a blanket. Jack folded the blanket down off of his face and for a moment he could imagine that the Doctor was just sleeping. 

"I brought you your suit, sweetheart." He said as he moved the blankets. "I still remember the first time I saw you in it. I almost couldn't believe it was you, since you had changed from the leather jacket and big ears, to floppy haired with the suit." Jack began to dress him slowly with careful movements. It took some work but he managed on his own to dress the Doctor and tie up his shoes and tie. He styled the Doctor's hair in the floppy mess that the Doctor had favored. 

"There now, ready for your next big adventure." Jack smiled and kissed the Doctor's cold cheek. "Just rest for now sweetheart and I will come and get you when it's time." Jack fixed the blanket, tucking it around the Doctor, not having the heart to cover his face. 

As their friends arrived that morning, they were led into the TARDIS, where they gathered around the bed to pay their last respects to the Time Lord. As they arrived, Jack went upstairs and dressed himself in a simple black suit and Imogen in a black dress. He took her hand and led her down to the TARDIS. 

Wilfred was the last to arrive and Jack removed the TARDIS from standby power and piloted her the short distance to an uninhabited planet. He landed the TARDIS on the white sandy beach overlooking the crystal clear water. They built a funeral pryor and as the sunset, Jack carried the Doctor's body one last time from the TARDIS. He laid him with great care upon the wood and then stepped back.

"Goodbye Sweetheart, I hope you have found the peace in death, that you never found in life," Jack whispered as he lifted up Imogen and held her close to him. 

Mickey gathered torches from the TARDIS and handed one to everybody in attendance. He lit one of them and as the sun drifted behind the horizon, he walked around the friends lighting their torches. One by one they stepped forward and lit the pryor, leaving their torch behind, until the funeral pryor was the only source of light on the beach.


	7. Chapter 7

Over the next week, Jack quickly realized that he had no idea what he was doing, when it came to raising Imogen. The Doctor had always been the one to take care of her and discipline her. So as Imogen acted out because of his sudden disappearance, Jack was lost on how to handle it.

Her once mild temper was gone as she screamed and threw fits randomly. She hit and kicked Jack as he tried to put her in to her room or into the corner for time outs. Meal times became a chore and she refused to eat anything besides bananas, chips or pancakes. She slept when she wanted to, curled beneath the Doctor's coat, that she had claimed as her own.

Instead of turning for help with her, Jack instead turned to alcohol and the bottle of whiskey became his constant companion. When Martha came to check on them two weeks after the Doctor's death, she couldn't believe the state of the house. The once well kept up home, was filthy with garbage and clothes strewn about. Dishes were unwashed and Jack was passed out on the couch with empty whiskey bottles surrounding him. Martha shook him roughly awake.

"Where's Imogen," She demanded.

"Somewhere," he mumbled as he blinked against the brightness of the afternoon. He tried to stand and stumbled falling to the floor. Shaking her head in disgust, Martha headed up the stairs. She found Imogen in her room, wearing dirty clothes. Her hair was unbrushed and she looked like she hadn't been fed in days. She was sitting on the Doctor's coat as she played with her toys.

It hurt Martha to do it, but she packed a suitcase for Imogen and removed her from Jack's care. She expected a fight from Jack and to have to get the police involved. She didn't want to go that route, but as she loaded Imogen into her car, instead of being angry, Jack seemed relieved.

"I will just take her home with me for awhile, why you get your act together. She has all ready lost her dad, please don't make her lose you too." Martha told him. Jack agreed with her but as the day wore on, he turned again to the alcohol to comfort him. The house was empty without the Doctor and Imogen. Every corner of it was filled with memories. So he left it.

Without Imogen to care for, Jack felt as though he had nothing. Instead of turning his life around, he took to the bottle, drinking himself to death on a regular basis. He didn't care about himself or his life anymore. He had destroyed the only good thing he had left. He had caused the one man he had waited over two thousand years for to kill himself. He didn't know how much time had passed as he lived within the alcoholic haze but one day as he was passed out in an alley, his back against a pile of garbage he looked up and into the eyes of the man he loved.

"Jack what are you doing to yourself?" The Doctor asked as he knelt down in front of him.

"I miss you so much," Jack whispered as he reached out to touch the Doctor's face.

"I know, but I couldn't stay anymore." The Doctor looked away from him.

"I failed you Doctor, I couldn't even take care of Imogen for you." Jack whimpered.

"Then make it right," The Doctor stated as he stood and walked off.

"Doctor," Jack cried out as he stumbled after him. The Doctor turned the corner and Jack ran out of the alley looking around frantically. The Doctor's words of make it right were still ringing in his head. He threw the bottle of whiskey away and returned to their home. The next morning he woke up sober, but hung over for the first time in a while. He drove quickly over to Martha's flat and knocked on the door.

"Jack," She said in surprise as she opened the door a crack and blocked it with her body. "I never expected to see you again."

"I need to see Imogen," He said.

"I don't think that's a good idea, she is finally settling in here and doing better." Martha stated.

"I don't want to take her from you Martha, I just need to see her." Jack said. Martha looked over her shoulder and then a moment later she opened the door wider, and allowed Jack to enter. He immediately saw Mickey sitting on the couch and guessed he had told Martha to let him in. He nodded his thanks and Mickey just stared at him.

"Where is she?" Jack asked anxiously.

"In her room, come on I will show you." Martha led him over to the door on the left side of the room and opened it. Imogen was sitting in a rocking chair, playing with a doll. Jack walked in the room and couldn't help but notice the Doctor's coat was spread out on her bed like a blanket. "She refuses to sleep without it." Martha explained.

"Imogen," Jack said softly.

"Papa," She jumped out of the chair and ran to him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as he knelt down in front of her. "I want to go home Papa."

"I know sweetie, and I will take you home. You just need to give me a little more time to make things right first. All right?" Jack told her as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

"I miss you," She cried as she held him tighter. "Please don't leave me Papa."

"It's just for a little while longer, Imogen. I just need you to be brave for me, for just a little while longer. Can you do that?" He asked as he pulled back from her.

"Yes, papa," she whimpered. Jack kissed her on the head and then turned to Martha.

"Thank you," He said as, he gave her a quick hug and then left the flat. He leaned up against the wall by the door. It was time to make things right.

Jack didn't think about or care about the consequences of his actions as he input the co-ordinates and time on his vortex manipulator and landed outside of the house on the morning before the Doctor killed himself. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day out. Jack wondered how such a beautiful day could end so badly as he waited for his former self to exit the house.

He watched as his former self stormed out of the house and climbed into the SUV. He looked annoyed and Jack wondered how long that he had looked like that. How long had it been since he had left the house happy in the morning?

"Sweetheart," Jack called out as he entered the house again and headed to the kitchen where the Doctor and Imogen were finishing breakfast.

"Did you forget something Jack?" The Doctor asked looking up at him. Jack froze in the doorway for a moment, stopping himself from rushing over and wrapping his arms around the Doctor. As he studied him though, it was at that moment that Jack noticed the sadness in the Doctor's eyes. How could he have missed it, he wondered?

"No, I have decided to take the day off. Torchwood can survive without me." Jack removed his jacket as he sat down at his place at the table. The Doctor reached for his empty coffee cup and Jack took his hand and grasped it briefly before letting it go. The Doctor smiled faintly at him before standing up and getting Jack a fresh cup of coffee. He handed it to Jack before he sat back down across from him.

"What would you like to do today, Imogen?" the Doctor asked turning to their daughter. Jack took his eyes of the Doctor and looked to Imogen. She was dressed in her pajamas still and her hair was a mess, but she looked clean and happy.

"I want to go to the park," She replied happily.

"How about we take the TARDIS and go to the park on the future moon. They have slides there taller then the house." Jack suggested and Imogen looked excited.

"Can we Daddy?" She asked and the Doctor smiled at her.

"I don't see why not. We just need to clean up and get dressed first." He responded and started to pick up the dishes. Jack placed a hand on his to stop him.

"I will clean up. You go and get ready." He said, not remembering the last time he had helped out. The Doctor looked at him slightly confused but nodded. As he started around the table to head upstairs Jack stood and wrapped him in a hug, drawing him close and kissing him softly on the lips. The Doctor tensed at first but then hugged Jack back.

"I love you," Jack whispered against the Doctor's lips.

"I love you too, Jack, but what has gotten into you?" He asked as Jack stopped kissing him and just held him for a moment.

"Nothing," He lied as he let go. He cleaned up the table and did the dishes. The Doctor came back down and together the three of them headed into the office and on to the TARDIS. Jack was relieved to see that she hadn't been placed on standby power as of yet. The Doctor ran around the console pressing buttons and then hit the hand break to send her on their way.

They landed on the moon park and Imogen ran straight for the slides as the Doctor and Jack followed behind. Jack reached out and took the Doctor's hand into his own and squeezed it gently. The Doctor returned the gesture and they walked hand in hand towards the slides. Through out the day as they played, Jack took every attempt possible to touch the Doctor and kiss and hug him. The sadness in the Doctor's eyes remained but when he laughed it sounded genuine and made Jack smile.

After the park they went to a small restaurant and had lunch followed by banana ice cream milk shakes. As the food settled, they walked around the lake that had been created for the ducks and geese that had been brought to the moon. Imogen squealed with delight as she chased the ducks trying to feed them left over bread and chips from their lunch.

They stayed until it was late and Jack was carrying Imogen in one arm and had his other wrapped around the Doctor's waist before the Doctor declared it was time to get her home and into bed. Jack reluctantly agreed. He wasn't ready for the day to end yet. They took Imogen home and the Doctor showered as Jack tucked her into her bed.

"I promised I would make things right baby. If I can't I promise this time I won't let you go." Jack kissed her on the head and covered her up.

As the Doctor showered Jack checked his beside cabinet and coat for asprin. He didn't find any which meant either the Doctor hadn't bought it yet or had hidden it somewhere else. Jack undressed and climbed into bed waiting for the Doctor. It was quickly nearing the time the Doctor had taken the first pill and it was Jack's last chance to make it right.

The Doctor came out of the shower and laid down on his side of the bed. He pulled out his book and put his thinking glasses on as Jack watched him.

"What is wrong with you today, Jack?" The Doctor asked suspiciously as he eyed Jack. Jack leaned over and took the book and sat it on the bedside table as he wrapped his arms around the Doctor and held him.

"Nothing, I just wanted to spend time with you." Jack whispered as he kissed the Doctor on the neck and ran his hands down from the Doctor's waist to his groin. The Doctor moaned slightly. The Doctor turned and wrapped his arms around Jack pulling him closer. Jack held the Doctor tightly as he brought the Doctor to release before entering him with gentle movements as the Doctor lay on his back looking up at him.

"I've missed you," The Doctor whispered as Jack moved inside him.

"I've been right here, sweetheart," Jack panted in response and the Doctor shook his head no. "Well I will be now, I promise." The Doctor leaned up and kissed Jack softly. Jack found his release and then lay on top of the Doctor, their bodies still joined.

He awoke hours later on his back in the dark room. He started as he realized that he had fallen asleep. As he moved though he heard the Doctor grumble and felt the lithe body next to his. The Doctor moved so that his head was on Jack's chest and one arm was across his stomach. Jack kissed the Doctor on the top of the head and the Doctor looked up at him with sleepy eyes.

"Go back to sleep sweetheart, it was just a bad dream." Jack whispered as he looked at the clock on the bedside table. The time now read 2:00 am and the Doctor was still alive and safe in his arms. Jack knew that the reapers may still try to come for the Doctor, but at least this time the Doctor would know that he was loved.


End file.
